So I don’t want to disappoint anyone waiting for an episode recap and hey it gives me an excuse to rewatch an episode of my favorite TV show. I’m gonna give it my best shot, hey maybe it’ll be funnier because I don’t care even the slightest bit about being serious right now. Let’s appreciate some art…

First off an ad for West World. If you didn’t catch season 1, I’d recommend it. It’s like if Blade Runner was a Western with a like Sergio Leone Once Upon a Time in the West pacing. Definitely a slow burn but one worth checking out. Also it’s a lot smarter than Da Vinci’s Demons, or Intersteller which Jonathan Nolan was also involved with.

It was a good episode but mostly set up. We start with Bronn and Jamie resurfacing away from the battlefield following their dragon face off at the end of last week. Bronn tells Jamie he’s not fighting the Mountain for him in his trial by combat and buggers off.

Tyrion surveys the wreckage, sort of looking for Jamie and not finding him. Dany makes a speech and gives everyone a choice, join her or die. Sam’s Dick Dad and Dick-on chose to burn alive.

A lot of people I talked with this week were like damn that cold that she burned them dudes. Well, we’re playing the game of thrones, unfortunately when Cersei is using the most ruthless tactics she can think of we gots to do some Machiavelli shit. Also I hate both of these Dicks and it was so much fun watching them die, I don’t really care about the ethics of it too much. She’s already done way worse shit anyway (*cough*cough* crucifying a bunch of slavers in Meereen without trials) and I still will bow down to the dragon queen. Might come back to bite her but whateves. Also thought the Dicks were gonna raise hell that Sam took the family sword but there was no mention of it so cool, Sam lucked out, I guess. You’d think there would be like a minute scene dealing with it at least.

Jamie and Cersei talk, and Jamie immediately tells her Grandma Tyrell killed Joffrey which I kinda didn’t expect. I thought he was going to Breaking Bad wait for seven episodes to tell his family things.

Drogon the dragon and Jon get in a staring contest and Jon pets him. Set up for the Three Heads of the Dragon theory? (Dany, Jon and Tyrion all having Targaryen ancestry and riding the Three Dragons.) Jon and Dany throw flirty eyes and it’s gonna be super awkward when they find out she’s his aunt. Also why didn’t he bring Ghost? You show me your dragons, I’ll show you my wolf sort of deal. I mean come on, she didn’t get to see his wolf or nothing. Dany asks about Ser Davos saying Jon got stabbed in the heart again then is reunited with Ser Jorah, cured of greyscale. Ser Jorah immediately steals Jon away from her and heads for the Wall.

Bran goes all wargy on some ravens and flies over the ranks of the Army of the Dead, he sends out some messages: “The White Walkers are slower than the thing from It Follows, but they’ll get here eventually and it’s gonna suuuuuuuuuccccckkkkkk.” Sam tries one last time to convince the Maesters of the danger when they receive Bran’s message and then decides to leave seconds before Gilly reveals R+L=J because the show loves near misses. They burgle the place before they get the fuck out of Dodge.

Tyrion and Varys talk more about ethics and whether or not Dany is the Mad King but it seems like Jon is going to be the key to making her listen, I mean she does listen to him for reasons. Whether or not that means they get to get it on too I don’t know, but it’s clear she listens to Jon and doesn’t want him to leave.

The Northern Lords are gathering around Sansa over Jon, probably because Littlefinger has stirred it up. Arya and Sansa argue, about sisterly things like ruling a kingdom and cutting off heads.

Tyrion and Ser Davos sneak into King’s Landing. Jaime and Tyrion met and Tyrion presents the we’ll show Cersei a wight plan to Jamie because they think she might be reasonable, um, haha, she’s going to spring a trap and try to kill them all and it’s gonna be awful, but if the people of King’s Landing see the wight I think that could turn public sentiment towards Dany and eventually lead to Cersei’s downfall.

Ser Davos finds Gendry with a new haircut and Gendry is like I’m ready to go, let’s do this shit. He pulls out a war hammer, (which was his father King Robert’s weapon of choice, he famously smashed Raeghar Targaryen, Jon’s secret father, to death with it in the Battle of the Trident). They head out only to get stopped by some guards who recognize Tyrion and Gendry smashes them to death.

Jamie tells Cersei about his meeting with Tyrion and Cersei claims to be pregnant. But who’s the father? Oh, her brother, okay. But is she lying to keep Jamie on her side?! We’ll find out soon, I guess. She’s probably not.

Arya follows Littlefinger and discovers he’s plotting something! Dum, dum, dum!!!!!!! But then he manipulates her into finding a scroll and oh no she and Sansa are at each other’s throats. If you’re curious, we paused it and the scroll is a deep cut from season 1. So after Ned got imprisoned Cersei made Sansa write Robb and tell him that he needs to come to King’s Landing and bend the knee to Joffrey (*cough*cough* Cersei) and so Littlefinger is taking that scroll out of context and hiding it so that Arya will think Sansa is a traitor to the Starks. This will then lead to Arya trying to stab first and ask questions later and Littlefinger could justify killing her like he did Lysa, (he was always gonna kill Lysa, he didn’t want to keep having sex with her). That’s what I think his plan is anyway and fuck I would much rather Sansa die than Arya but hopefully it’s just Littlefinger who goes down. Either way I think this has probably got to be his last gambit.

Jon and Gendry bro out and the Suicide Squad leaves for the Wall and picks up a few new members at Eastwatch by the Sea. The episode ends with them walking out into the cold…that can’t end well. Thoros and Berric are going for sure because there’s a 70-30 chance you don’t know who I’m talking about. Gendry is going to go too probably because they killed Osha and Rickon last year, (there’s a 70-30 chance you don’t know who I’m talking about with them either, Baby Stark and Tonks). Jorah might go too. Jon and the Hound are safe, almost assuredly but you never know, but the others could go either way. Alls I’m saying is expect some casualties tomorrow.

Next week is episode 7.6 “Beyond the Wall,” and since there are only 7 episode this year this most likely means that episode is our episode 9 but I’m guessing the finale is going to be epic as well. The last few years have been. Review of that episode next week and predictions for the finale…